The Master Makes Bail!
Dear Plaisterers, thank you for raising my £1,000 bail money and thereby facilitating my release from the Tower. It was a close-run thing and I am convinced the Clerk delayed the transfer of funds, so as to prolong my incarceration. I am mortified to report that I, together with some 30 livery company Masters, were summoned to appear at the Old Bailey to answer charges brought by the Clerks. Be aware our Clerks are becoming quite wilful and troublesome.
I am ashamed to say my Warrant for Arrest read as follows:
Warrant for Arrest
Within the City of London
On this day, Monday 6th September 2021, application on oath made by:
The City of London Police
For the issue of a Warrant for the Individual named below:
Margaret Coates, Worshipful Company of Plaisterers
On the grounds that said the individual in question has been up to a number of despicable acts unbefitting of person of her standing.
Authority is hereby given to any official of the City Police for the purposes of effecting the arrest on Monday 6th September 2021. Following the arrest, the individual shall be escorted to the Tower of London where held pending bail.
Bail is set at £1,000 and will be raised to support the work of the British Red Cross who will visit the prisoners at the Tower of London.
Together with my fellow peers, I appeared at Court Number 1 in the Central Criminal Court Old Bailey, presided over by the two Sheriffs of the City of London, Aldermen Michael Mainelli and Christopher Hayward, who if I might say read out the charges in open court against each Master with great relish. Embarrassment precludes me from printing out the charges levelled against me which read like a novel. However, I will not go back on my word and I will in the next edition of the Clerk’s Newsletter provide my side of the story on the matter of how I acquired that marine’s green beret, which so vexed the Clerk.
With a ball and chain attached to our left wrist, we were then whisked away to the Tower to be greeted by a Beefeater who made it clear that he was not impressed with the bunch of felons now in his custody. The blade of his axe faced us felons in a very menacing way. A very worrying couple of hours passed whilst we waited on the Clerks for news on whether our bail had been reached. I am absolutely sure we were left to sweat it out. The British Red Cross as you would expect ensured we were kept hydrated and fed. They attended to the food rations whilst a Pol Roger dealt with our fluid needs. What a relief it was when the Beefeater finally returned and with great flourish turned the blade of his axe away from us, indicating we could GO.
Thank you Plaisterers for bailing out your Master. I will recover from my ordeal before tackling the Clerk in our Court Room.